Online wedding RSVP: how to collect replies without chasing anyone
How to set up online RSVPs that guests actually answer: what to ask and what to skip, when to set the deadline, how to word it on the invitation, what to do about people who never reply, and how to turn the answers into a head count for the caterer.
Paper reply cards still work, but they get lost behind the fridge, come back with illegible names and take weeks to trickle in. Online RSVPs are faster for guests and far easier for you: every answer lands in one list, with the totals updating as they come in. Here is how to set them up so people actually reply.
In short
- Set the RSVP deadline 3 to 4 weeks before the wedding, working back from your caterer's final head count date.
- Ask only what you will use: attendance, names, kids, meal choices, allergies, and lodging or transportation if relevant.
- Personal links per household beat one shared form: you know exactly who hasn't answered.
- Plan on 10 to 20% of invited guests declining, and on chasing a few stragglers by phone.
- Keep a no-tech option for grandparents: a phone number, or a family member who replies for them.
Why online RSVPs work better
- It takes guests a minute. They reply from their phone the moment they open the invitation, instead of putting the card “somewhere safe”.
- The data is right. Names are spelled the way guests spell them, and meal choices are tied to the person who made them.
- You always know where you stand. Yes, no and still waiting, with totals for adults, kids and meals.
- Changes are easy. If someone's plans change, they update their reply instead of texting you at midnight.
- It saves postage. No reply envelopes to stamp and mail.
What to ask, and why
| Question | What you use it for |
|---|---|
| Will you attend? | The head count, obviously |
| Names of everyone coming | Escort cards, place cards and the seating chart |
| Number of children | Kids' meals, high chairs, a kids' table |
| Meal choice for each person | The caterer's order for a plated dinner |
| Allergies and dietary needs | Safety first; the caterer needs it by table |
| Hotel nights needed | Your room block |
| How they are arriving, and whether they need a ride | Shuttles and carpools |
| A song request (optional) | A happier dance floor |
| A message for you (optional) | Something lovely to read later |
What to skip
- Long forms. If replying takes more than two minutes, people put it off.
- “Will you bring a guest?” The invitation should already answer that. Leaving it open invites surprise plus-ones.
- Accounts, passwords and app downloads. Every extra step loses you replies, especially from older guests.
Personal invitations or one shared form?
A single RSVP form on your website is quick to set up, but it has three problems: anyone with the link can RSVP, you can't easily tell who is missing, and you end up matching “Bob + 1” to “Robert and Linda Smith” by hand.
With personal invitations, every household gets its own link (or QR code). The reply arrives already tied to the right invitation, the list of who hasn't answered is one click away, and nobody can add guests you didn't invite.
When to set the RSVP deadline
Start from your caterer's deadline for the final head count, usually 1 to 2 weeks before the wedding, and add time for chasing stragglers and doing the seating chart. That puts the RSVP deadline 3 to 4 weeks before the wedding, with invitations mailed 6 to 8 weeks before (The Knot). For a destination wedding, send everything earlier.
How to word it on the invitation
Kindly reply by August 15, 2026
at only.wedding/code
Scan the code to RSVP by August 15.
We can't wait to celebrate with you!
Please reply online by August 15, 2026.
Your personal code: K7M-4QX-P2T
More wordings, including printed reply cards, are in Wedding invitation wording.
Reminders and the guests who never reply
Expect some silence. Plan on 10 to 20% of invited guests declining (The Knot), and on a handful who don't answer at all until someone calls them.
- One friendly reminder a week or two before the deadline, by email or text.
- Split the chasing. After the deadline, each of you (or each set of parents) calls the stragglers on their side.
- Never assume. A guest who didn't reply might still show up. A short “We are giving final numbers to the caterer on Friday; can you join us?” works wonders.
Tip
Make it easy for the people least comfortable online. Print a phone number on the invitation, or ask a grandchild to RSVP on Grandma's behalf. A typed code works for anyone whose phone camera won't read QR codes.
Plus-ones, kids and changes after the deadline
- Plus-ones: the invitation decides. If you name a guest's partner, they appear on the RSVP; if you offer “and guest”, ask for that person's name.
- Kids: if only some children are invited, address those invitations by name and keep the others to adults. The RSVP should mirror what the envelope says.
- Changes: let guests update their reply until the deadline. After that, ask them to tell you directly, because the caterer's numbers are locked.
From RSVPs to a head count
When the deadline passes, you need four lists: total adults and kids, meal counts, allergies by table for the caterer, and the names for the seating chart. If your RSVPs live in a spreadsheet, build these the night after the deadline. If they live in your planning app, they should already be there. Next step: the seating chart.
How it works in only.wedding
Every invitation gets its own link, QR code and 9-character code. Guests RSVP on their phone in about a minute, with no account or app. The form can ask for the names of everyone attending, the number of kids, a meal choice for each person, dietary notes, hotel nights, how they are arriving and whether they need a ride. Answers flow straight into your guest list, the seating chart and your printables, so nothing gets retyped. Guests who haven't replied and have an email address get one automatic reminder about two months before the wedding, and the guest page speaks English, Czech, German and French. The Free plan covers weddings of up to 10 invitations; see pricing for larger ones.